The Other Other White Meat

I was thinking today that should my current employers wise-up and fire me, I have the perfect fallback career. In the event of my inevitable termination I’ll pack up my things, move to New Guinea, and start a Human Ranch.

Now, if you’re a member of the local cannibalistic tribes, why settle for the same old fair of lost tourists when you can have Handsome Ehren’s Corn-fed Free Range Human? Nothing toughens up a cut of meat like stress and there are few things in the world more stressful than wandering through Cannibal-infested jungle.

Of course, I imagine that competition would eventually be inevitable once people see the kind of dough I’m raking in. Fortunately, I have an idea to keep me one step ahead of the competition: Human Veal.

Yes, nothing warms the heart like the thought of 10,000 babies being force-fed through little, tiny cages.