Do you know what that is? That is irrefutable proof that I am a sick, sick man. Since my recent defeat at the hands of a generously proportioned bartender, I’ve been plotting a way to ride victoriously through my next bar crawl. Mission accomplished. I’m breaking it in tonight.
Vodka in a sippy cup. I fully expect to be struck down by God after the first taste.
I think the only way to do it, is wait until three or four drinks in before I switch over. You know, give the bar an opportunity to adjust to my…”unique” personality. Then, I’ll order a round for a group of the hottest girls in the place, and slide over with my sippy cup. Check mate.
Really, in terms of conversation starters, it really doesn’t get much better than that. It’s pure gold.
Girls: Why are you drinking from a sippy cup?
Me: I’m up past my bed time. Will you tuck me in, mommy?
Or
Me: Because you haven’t offered to breast-feed me yet.
Or
Me: I stole it from my ex girlfriend. That’s the last time I date a girl in preschool.
You get the idea. Feel free to post up any other funny responses you come up with.
In other interesting news, my dear friend Jack Saddle who’s mentioned in the same story was invited to my company Christmas party—as my boss’ date. Meaning that there’s a good chance that my holiday bonus this year will come in the form of a pink slip.
Seriously, between my sippy cup, my boss’s potential evening with the sexual predator that is my friend, and my own propensity for saying the wrong thing at the wrong time, this party could very well be the death-knell of my career. I guess that means I better go out in a spectacular blaze of failure. Sort of like Dale Earnhardt, only without being a dumb, inbred redneck.
And on that note, I must away. Time to take my sippy cup for a test spin.
5 comments:
What could possibly go wrong?
Girls: Why are you drinking from a sippy cup?
Me: I had just enough orange juice left for a screwdriver.
Girls: Why are you drinking from a sippy cup?
Me: It keeps my tongue limber.
Oh the ideas you get when you are around children. Glad my nieces sippy cup was an inspiration. Haha. Can't wait to see the blog about this night out.
Yep, he's the same shady character. He also posts comments from time to time.
What the fuck, when did I become a shady character? I thought I was more classes like in a Jimmy Stewart sort of way. I am the most amusing friend you will ever have, unless you get one of those helper monkeys, how can you compete with that, but I digress. The point is fuck you I'm cool yeah that's it.
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