Film Musings and St. Patrick's Day Threads

In strange news, my coworker was called away from work for a meeting with Lucas films. It seems he is the member of a “light saber troupe” that performs elaborate fight scenes at conventions and George Lucas wants to sponsor them. Look, I work for an internet company. These are the kinds of people I deal with every day. The last time half the employees here were inside a woman they were getting their picture taken with an ultrasound machine. The other half are female.

As my coworker left, I had a simple, reasonable request: “If George is at that meeting, promise me you’ll beat his ass into intensive-care with your light saber.” That dude deserves a good beating after those last three Star Wars films. I can see the headlines now:

“Obese, Washed-Up Director Clings To Life after Geek Beating.”

Mmm…delicious irony.

In other film-musings, many of you know, this year’s big Scorsese flick “The Departed” was actually a rip-off of the Japanese movie “Infernal Affairs.” The movie was pretty much a three hour morality story that can be summed up in five words: Don’t fuck with Marky Mark. I’ve been thinking of doing a Mexican remake of the film. I’ll call it “The Deported.”

This leads me to the main point of today’s blog: St. Patrick’s Day. Many of you may have heard the saying, “Everyone is Irish on St. Patrick’s Day.” It’s really nothing more than a knock off of the lesser known colloquialism, “Everyone’s an illegal immigrant on Cinco de Mayo. Now clean my toilet, Paco.”

In preparation for these monumentally important drinking holidays, my friends and I have decided to make new T-Shirts. That way when we pass out in a pool of our own waste after drinking for 36 hours straight, we can do so in style.

Chocolate Love has declared that he needs a shirt that says “Daione Ghorma.” Roughly translated, it means “hot, black man” in Gaelic. Seeing as how we’ll be hanging out with some straight off the boat Irishmen, it’ll be interesting to see how the shirt goes over.

Jack Saddle has decided on a shirt that advertises his newest creed. It’s one that truly captures his modesty, dignity, and classiness. It reads: “Life is my bitch.”

This brings us to my shirt. I’m one of those guys who hate to go clothes shopping. As such, when I buy a new shirt, it’s important to me that I know I can wear it to any possible social occasion: job interviews, first meetings with the parents of girlfriends, funerals, AA meetings, Take Back the Night Rallies, and parole hearings. That’s why I went with the least offensive of my ideas:

Blow Here For Rape Whistle