Random Thoughts and "The Magnificent Stranger"

Unfortunately, I’ve been ungodly busy the last week or so. Meaning that I’ve been unable to terrorize the web as frequently as I’d like. The reasons are all too mundane: work, a new band, a girl, increased security around fresh graves…the usual. Nothing all that interesting worth rambling about. Today, yet again, my writing time will be cut short. Hey, my hot girlfriend isn’t going to violate herself. Oh wait…I think she sent me video of that earlier this week.

Regardless, since I don’t have time for a proper post, I figured I’d at least put up some of the more amusing shit that spouted from my face this week.

• I’ve been diagnosed with multiple personality disorder: 200 different identities, all of them Lincoln.
• They just don’t make zippers like they used to. That’s why I’ve decided to convert all my pants to “tear-away.”
• Coworker: I have the body of a god: Buddha
  Me: I have the body of a god, too. She’s tied up in my trunk.

I was hanging out with some friends last weekend, and we began discussing the different names that they have for their penises. Among the more note-worthy names were:

• Sparticus
• Ironman
• Mr. Incredible
• Jesus (because He is risen. And returned from the dead.)
• Goliath
• David Banner

The last one is by far my favorite. All he needs to do is dress his cock up in tiny purple pants and a shirt. “Don’t make me angry. You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry.”

Apparently, I’m the only guy on the fucking planet not to name his junk. It really just never occurred to me. I’m sure I could come up with a few good ones if I tried…but I’ve got to run. So I invite you, my crazed, fanatical readers to engage in the most disturbing group-participation activity ever:

Name Ehren’s Cock.

See you Monday. I’ve got to go introduce my girlfriend to “Magnifico Extranjero.” What? Do you like "High Plains Drifter" better?