Apparently, one of the friends she keeps in touch with is involved with a girl who sent him this letter:
"Handsome Prince,
I have been thinking of you with smiles all over my face and in my heart. I hope you are having a great day serving the Lord and I can not wait to see you tonight to hear all about your day. You are a wonderful man of God...so kind and prayerful, smart and fun, hardworking and loving. Thank you for your leadership in our relationship. God willing, I will have you in my life forever.
'You are a blessing to me. I thank my God every time I remember you.' Phi 1:3
Have a lovely day living for Jesus.
Love,
Your Beautiful Princess, Tammie-Lynne"
Usually I leave the Christianity ridicule to Flumadiddle. She’s way better at it. But when Middle America allows such a tender, underage choirboy to fall into my evil, priest-like clutches, I’d be remiss if I didn’t nail him harder than the Jews nailed Christ.
It’s not often that you write a love letter and mention another man almost as much as your boyfriend. There are seven sentences in the letter above. God appears in five of them. Personally, I’d be a little offended if I received that letter. And seeing as how God would smite me down if I was seen speaking with a woman (or as the church calls them “wicked sperm-receptacles”); I’d have no recourse but to write her back.
“Wench,
you mean I rocked your world with all those hot, sweaty hand-holdings; spent all those afternoons denigrating women and minorities; and attended all those book-burnings with you only to play second fiddle to the 'I am'? Remember that time we held each other and cried all night because you accidentally saw my underwear and were thus (according to Father Jesse-Luke) a filthy, filthy whore of Babylon?
As a man, God clearly decrees I am your owner and master. In the future, please refer to me as such, particularly when bad-touching your naughty-hole and crying furiously.
Yours in Christ,
Master Billy-Jim-Bob-Luther-Ray”
Seriously, my favorite part of her letter is the sentence “Thank you for your leadership in our relationship.” I wonder how long it is before she’s making supper, being beaten with a mule bridle, and popping out a kid every eight months. Why eight months? Well, waiting the full nine would be slothful, a sin against the Lord. Kids are basically done after eight months. An’ aint no child of mine gonna laze around the womb for an extra month, makin’ baby Jesus cry. And havin’ sex and enjoying it? Wicked. That’s why I’s gots to inseminate her afore she heals up good.
Sorry, that last scenario got a little too vivid. I almost knocked my teeth out, bought overalls, took up banjo, and started talking about “the coloreds.” God, I love being from the North.
4 comments:
Oh, sweet Jesus. The nausea of it all!
I think it's just swell that Tammie-Lynne has a man to lead her. We women loves us a leader.
I also think Tammie-Lynne and I need to have a talk.
Why is it that the mere presence of a hyphen in a name indicates stupidity?
By the way, we're back: www.angryminority.com
- mildly evil derek
I gotta be honest, if the girl is happy, why bother her? I always found that interesting - and repulsive - in other women. You hear about a girl who is happy in her life, yet isn't properly "feminized" and you think to yourselves, "well, I need to teach her what it means to hate the world and feel dejected!" so the thought is, "I need to have a talk with her," so she can stop believing the way she does... become bitter... and end up working a street corner, eventually becoming fodder for one of ehren's columns.
speaking of which... dude... how could your "vivid" section be so short? I'd think you would have plenty more to say about this woman's future! Especially when some independent, religion hating femin-nazi comes and "opens her eyes" soon. That poor girl will go on a bender that will make you seem like a spritzer drinking pussy! :)
My cousin lives in West Virginia, and it pretty much is the land that time forgot. For example, she's got one kid young enough to be in daycare, but the daycare is so shitty that kids have spent whole days with broken bones, or end the day with no clothes on, and none of the daycare workers can explain why or how. She can't use another daycare facility because the closest one is 50 miles away. Plus, the town is poor so the daycare knows that everyone is on gov't assistance, so they charge something like $2,000 dollars per week for one kid, because that's the maximum that gov't assistance will allow for daycare.
In the end my cousin continues to take her child to the worst daycare in the state, while paying 2 grand per week for it, when her 1200 sq foot apartment costs her $350 per month.
Fucking hillbillies.
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