Hate The Game

If my companionship were a boat, these days I feel like it would be the Titanic. And true to form, it’s being evacuated women first. I’m beginning to wonder if I have enough bad karma to drown all the males who’re still lingering around.

Maybe I need a change. I’ve been watching a lot of HBO’s “The Wire” recently, and looking at the hair-cuts of some of the lead characters. Maybe I should get cornrows. Of course, that’d look pretty silly on my head, so maybe I should pimp out my pubes instead. That’d be classy.

I was speaking to a girl yesterday who accused me of being charming. I have to admit, that one really came out of left field. I’ve heard a lot of adjectives thrown out there in an attempt to describe me but “charming” has never been one of them.

“Thanks,” I said. “So can I fuck you up the ass next time we see each other, or do I have to get you drunk and wait until you pass out first?”

What I’ve realized is that being charming isn’t everything when it comes to attracting women. It’s like the phrase “There’s more than one way to skin a cat.” Except by “cat” I mean “pussy” and by “skin” I mean “fuck.”

I realize that I’m not a smooth mother fucker. I’ll never be James Bond, or Don Juan, or Joey Buttafuoco. I’m not that guy who says the right thing at the right time. Instead, my whole personality is about saying the wrong thing in the right way. I’ve embraced my awkwardness and focused on making it seem cute. But it takes a lot of work. It’s not that I’m not being me: I’m just being a more outgoing version of me.

Women are fun. Plus they’re soft, smell nice, and will sometimes scratch your back if you ask nicely. Also the fact that they don’t have penises makes them a lot more fun to spoon with. But they take effort, especially in the early “are you a psycho who’s trying to steal my kidney” phase of a relationship. Most of the time, I don’t mind it. In fact, getting them wouldn’t be quite so sweet if it weren’t so challenging.

I just want to go home, watch a movie and enjoy the sight of the top of a woman’s head. At the end of a long week, is that really so much to ask?

I’ve been going out a lot and generally enjoying myself. I’m mostly a private guy, but it felt good to be social and engaging. But right now it’s a depressing thought to try to plan a weekend of being socially presentable. So chances are good I’ll be spending the weekend in. If there are any women out there with a taste for DVDs and cock, speak up. Hmmm…perhaps that was a bad “slip of the tongue.” How’s a girl with a taste for cock going speak up? It’s impolite to speak with your mouth full. Yeah…that’s probably the reason’s no one’s called me back…