Now, I don’t know about the rest of the male population, but I get a little insecure when I hear about ex boyfriends. I mean, it motivates me to try to out-do them. How the fuck are you going to one-up the I am? Pretty much, you’re doomed to a life of second best. Way distant second.
“When are you going to start your own Carpenter’s company? My last boyfriend wasn’t afraid to start his own thing.”
“I don’t believe you only made three pieces of copper today. You know my last man lives in a mansion and has all the riches in the earth.”
I mean, can you even imagine how difficult it would be to get naked in front of Mary?
“Gee, Joe, yeah I guess that’s a nice dick. If you haven’t seen God’s.”
“Wow, are you done already, Joe? No, no…that was good. I mean, God fucked me for two weeks, but no, that was ok, I guess.”
No wonder Jesus never had any brothers or sisters.
They say Joseph was a carpenter…I’m guessing he was also an alcoholic. Because that’s got to be a living hell.
How hard would it be to try to follow God? If He was like any of the ex boyfriends I’ve heard stories about He probably got loaded and knocked on the door trying to get Mary to give him head at 4 am. And there Joseph was, trying to stand up to God, because he couldn’t have his wife thinking he was a pussy.
“Come on, YHWH. Let’s be cool here. Just go back home and sleep it off, ok?”
“Shut up! I want a hummer, you faggot! How are you enjoying what I left you? Can she even feel anything you got down there?”
“God. God! Don’t make me get the sheriff down here again. We all remember how that went last time.”
As much as that’s got to suck, it’d be nothing compared to the day to day hassle of raising a kid who knows you’re not his real dad.
“Son, go milk the goat.”
“Fuck you, Joe.”
Yeah. It must have been no picnic being Joe. I guess that’s why I don’t understand how little credit is thrown his way. 2,000 years later and people still don’t respect him. All anyone says is “Jesus” this or the “Holy Mary” that.
Christians are weird.
5 comments:
LMAO... yah blame the Christians...
Seems you don't have to be Christian to be weird... ;P
I love the fact that you say whatever you want and make no bones about it. Very refreshing.
what i don't get is how he bought that story. if you started seing a girl and she told you she was a virgin, so you decided to be the gentleman and take it slow. then one day she comes over says she's pregnant and GOD did it what would you say. "oh, OK" bullshit. you'd be like "fuck off whore, you won't sleep with me, but you screw other guys and want me to take care of you?! son of God, my ass!!!"
Dude, you fucking rock.
Ehren, I've always wondered the exact same thing... I mean, how awesome would God be in bed? Totally unfair.
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