Trojan: all you need is a dollar and a dream.
My second idea would be specifically for those climax control condoms. You know the kind that is coated with Novocain and makes you think your cock’s fallen off?
New Climax Control: Me Love You Long Time.
I know. The real wonder is that I haven’t already made billions by sleazing my way up the corporate ramp of some advertising agency.
Seriously though, I was thinking about the role that technology plays on promiscuity, mostly because the FDA has loosened restrictions on the “morning after” pill, and partly because my friends own a DVD of a model being fucked by what appears to be a modified rowing machine. Sure, it’s kind of creepy, but it’s also unbelievably depressing to know that somewhere, there’s a nautilus getting more ass than me.
But back to the morning after pill. Personally, I think it’s great news. I’m going to go stock up on this product so I can slip into the morning coffee of girls I’ve slept with. You know, right before I kick them out the door.
Critics say that the availability of this drug will lead to an increase in unprotected sex (and so more STDs) and unwanted pregnancies. I’d probably take this argument more seriously if these same opponents didn’t later launch into arguments against the “mongrelization of the races” and that “fucking makes baby Jesus cries.”
See here’s the thing: people have always had sex. It’s true. We all know that Mary was only a virgin if you don’t count anal.
Come on, people WANT to have sex. I’m not going to get into the debate of whether that’s a good thing or a bad thing, but I really don’t think technology promotes promiscuity. See, I’ve been drunk and made some bad decisions over the course of my life. But I’ve NEVER said, “Well, I don’t really want to bang this girl…but I already have a condom, so I might as well fuck her like the war fucked Chechnya.”
It doesn’t happen that way. Before abortions, condoms, and lube, people still had casual, irresponsible, drunk sex. You think Genghis Khan was wearing a rubber when raped God knows how many Asians?
The availability of all the family planning technology isn’t making people more promiscuous. The truth is that people have NEVER been all that pure to begin with. You’re out of your mind if you think that surfs in the dark ages weren’t constantly screwing milkmaids. The only difference is that now we don’t burn them as witches afterwards. Instead we film it and give them their own websites.
People are going to have sex. The worst thing you can do is teach them that’s it evil and leave them undereducated on the subject. Because if you do, when they screw up they’re not going to have birth control to catch them, because they won’t know how it works. And make no mistake about it, people ALL fuck up sooner or later.
I dated a girl whose mother worked in a family planning center. After running a number of tests on a girl, she sat her down and said, “Listen, honey. You’re pregnant.”
“That’s impossible.” Said the girl. “I’m not…you know…active.”
“You’re pregnant. To get that way, you had to having sex with someone.”
“But I’m not sexually active!!!”
“YOU. ARE. PREGNANT.”
“But I don’t—“
“Does your boyfriend put his penis inside you?”
“Yes. But I swear, I lie perfectly still the whole time.”
4 comments:
Bada-bump!
Crusaders and zealots would have nothing to campaign for if it weren't for issues such as the morning after pill.
Most likely they are also grandparents now raising their childrens offspring.
Bring on the pill. What's a case of herpes if it means you get out of the akward--"Wait, shit, do you have a condom?"--interlude before sex with strangers.
Worth. It.
Wow, you are funny as always. In Canada we have had access to that pill for a long time. It is not actually one pill though. They actually prescribe something with it because it makes women really really sick. So make sure you buy a cocktail of that too before you go sticking it in women's drinks...lol.
They have given it to rape victims for a long time here(of course with their consent). It is also available to teens without their parents consent at women's clinics. I agree we have always been a much dirtier society than people want to admit. Condoms or pills don't make us sex crazed they just make it a lot safer for us....
That is quite the story! Nice ending too.
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