It's The Quiet Ones You Have To Watch

In keeping with my theme of sex and talking, I’d like to bring up a theory I’ve been testing recently. There is an inverse connection between how big a game a girl talks and how big her game actually is.

It’s weird, I know. And in a lot of ways, it’s unintuitive. You’d figure that the girls who are the most uninhibited in bed are the most uninhibited in all other aspects of life, right? Maybe. But it also stands to reason that a girl who’s really comfortable with her own abilities doesn’t need to broadcast it.

I once dated this girl who talked the biggest game I’ve ever heard. She used to get all dressed up in the short skirts, the tiny shirts, and the lipstick and then sit across from me at a restaurant and tell me about all the unprintable things she was going to do to me. She’d go on and on and tell me, graphically, about all the amazing things she was going to do to my body. Naturally, I’d get turned on, but by the time I got her back to her place, she changed from naughty mistress to mother Teresa.

She talked a good game, but when the whistle blew and it was time to play, it was like she was a deer in the headlights. She turned out to be VERY straight-laced. Sex with her was almost regimented. I caught malaria; I spent so much time in the missionary.

With my friends, I’ve got the unfair label of dating crazy women. I don’t think that they were really that crazy, but I suppose once you start grading sanity on a sliding scale, it’s all downhill from there. What would be more accurate is that they broadcast one thing to world at large and have a very different side that they show only to a select few.

I can’t say that quiet girls are the best in bed across the board. What I do know, based on my observations and a series of field tests, is that girls who don’t need to wear a “slut” sign across every conversation are confident enough in their game to know that actions speak louder than words. The really good ones don’t have to say a damn thing about sex for you to get the message. They flirt, but they tend to just suggest. The insecure ones tend to come up to you and say, “I can suck the chrome off a trailer-hitch.”

There’s nothing quite as fun as bringing the quiet, glasses-wearing, business girl back to her place to see she has a trapeze installed over her bed. Or have the little, 120 lb girl start throwing you around.

Boys, the next time a girl comes up to you and starts telling you about her lack of a gag-reflex, do yourself a favor and ditch her. Then go talk to that girl in the corner tying cherry stems into knots.