The Call Back

I had no idea there were so many mixed feelings about the “call back” waiting period. Yesterday I had a few people contact me with their opinions on the waiting time required before calling a person. Apparently there’s a huge controversy about this.

One side feels that calling a woman back the day after you get her number is a positive: it enforces that you’re interested, it sends the message that you’re serious, and also it says that you don’t play games. People of this view think that women will respond well to the early call back for all those reasons.

Logically, those features would make you attractive. In practice, they undermine your chances. Let me explain why. What I write below should not be construed as an attack on women—men are just as guilty as women here. This is a fundamental truth about people.

Those of you who remember my very first blog entry will recall that I proposed that people write up Dating Resumes. The idea was to make dating a more left-brain process and move away from making all our relationship choices based on feelings. Calling a girl back immediately says that you’re interested, straight-forward, and available. While girls say that those things are attractive, the truth is that those things are a turn off. It’s a fundamental philosophical truth about people: we pursue that which retreats from us.

You see this type of thing all the time. Guys run off on their wives with young, flighty girls. Women spurn the steady, reliable friend for the guy that’s done nothing but treat them poorly. Everyone wants love—but we want to feel like we earned it, like we worked for it. When love is easy people suspect it’s false or fleeting.

While reliability, honesty and straightforwardness are key to a working relationship, they really don’t play too much of a role in attraction. No one ever says, “Boy, I can’t wait to see Bob. He just swept me off my feet with his raw punctuality and animal responsibility.”

Relationships have to start based on attraction. Waiting a few days to call a woman lets her know that you’re interested…but not over-interested. It also gives you a little time to mull over your own feelings regarding your target. There’s a reason that guns require a waiting period—it’s not the type of purchase that should be an impulse buy. You should expect nothing less of your relationships.