Example: Work-related drinking. Apparently it’s bad form to show up for work drunk. Yet it’s good form to accept your bosses challenge to a Cognac drinking competition. Yet more proof that the most valuable things I learned at college were not taught in any classroom (well except for the time that some of us broke into the lab with a case of whiskey…)
This is the first year that I’ve had actual corporate co-workers, and I’m starting to get concerned about the birthday and Christmas situations. I don’t want people sending me cards! If they do, I have to get cards for them…I can’t even remember my parent’s anniversary! This is just another one of those times where I walk in and I’m the only one without a gift or card. It’s a vicious, horrible circle, where the only real winner is Hallmark. Damn you Hallmark!
It doesn’t help that I’m not a big birthday guy. My parents want to make big deals about them and I keep telling them I don’t care. First of all, I get hosed on presents. Any time, I get a gift it’s a “Happy Birthday and Merry Christmas.” Next, no one’s ever around and nothing’s ever open. Pssssshhhhtt…what’s Jesus ever done that’s so great? Besides all those magic tricks? I guess that’s the price I pay for being born on Christmas-Eve.
If my birthday does anything, it makes me wonder about how everyone views me. For example, last year I received the following gifts:
A Bottle of Johnny Walker Black
A Box of Cigars
A Flask
A Porno Magazine
A Mattress
Apparently, I’m an out-of-control, hard-drinking sexaholic, intent on killing himself by cancer of the mouth. I know people say that success comes from within, but if this how I’m viewed I can rest assured that I’m doing something right. Bah-Humbug, losers!
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