Happy Kwanzaa, Bitches!

I’ve officially reached my gift limit. That’s it. I’m done. I thought I’d finished my shopping on Friday but I keep getting over-run by cards and gifts from friends and family who weren't on my list. And everytime I get an unexpected gift, I have to go to the mall to buy a present for them in return. And each time I have to go to the mall, I die a little inside. Damn my charming personality! My New Year’s resolution is to make fewer friends so they’ll stop guilting me into buying them presents every year.

I’ve had it. I’m not buying anything else until X-mas 2006, so if you’re sending me a gift, you’re shit out of luck. All I’m giving out from now until next year are drop-kicks to the torso…and I’ve got plenty to go around.

I’m not doing the Christmas card thing, either. I can never find ones that properly convey my feelings for this time of year. So I made my own card that really sums up the Holiday spirit. Enjoy:

I’m Dreaming Of A Black Kwanzaa

This year, we must continue our fight against the man in honor of one of the greatest superheroes of all time: Black Jesus. The white man has tried to steal black Jesus from us and tell us he was weak, white, punk. We must keep the truth alive, brothers and sisters.

Conservative, republican white devils look at Jesus and pay lip service to his religion. They claim to be all for his teachings of uplifting the downtrodden, healing the sick, and giving away your wealth, then violate our civil rights with the Patriot Act, cut medicare and welfare budgets, all in the name of giving tax cuts to the rich. Fuck white Jesus!

It’s at this darkest of times that we must bring the fight to the doorsteps of our enemies and keep the name of Black Jesus alive and true. In his name, I urge all my brothers and sisters out there to take back Black Jesus! I have taken the first step by re-coloring a crucifix in my local church. And while the clergy and the Police say I’m being held on charges “Vandalism” and “Breaking and Entering,” I know that all I have vandalized is their evil, self-serving ideals. All I have broken is their tenuous hold over our spiritual insignias. All I have entered is a higher plain of enlightenment.

So I end this holiday message with prayer that we all free ourselves from the tryanical rein of white men and their fairytale savior. All praise black Jesus!

As sala'amu alaikum my family and a happy fucking Kwanzaa, bitches!

-Ehren